


A Clone of You for Me

by LazyBaker



Category: Naruto
Genre: Kage Bunshin | Shadow Clones, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 21:38:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyBaker/pseuds/LazyBaker
Summary: It is Gai and it isn't.





	A Clone of You for Me

1

It’s the middle of the night. Kakashi has the house to himself. He lies in bed thinking. Hesitating. Fingers tangled tightly in his blanket, clutching at it. Already embarrassed by what he will—maybe—do.

The only noises are the cicadas outside, the leaves of trees brushing along the roof, Kakashi pushing the blanket of his bed down to sit up and stare at the thin wall separating his room from Sakumo’s and thinking and thinking and attempting to avoid thinking completely.

Being a prodigy, the hand signs come easily to him and he smoothly goes through them despite the way his heart is hammering in such a way it never does in battle to produce a shadow clone. It sits in front of him on top of the covers within arm’s reach, cross legged and in pug patterned sleep clothes, waiting for its orders with the same forced-bored expression Kakashi has on right now.

If Kakashi had to verbalize what he wanted he would never consider this. To say the words out loud would be too distressing and Kakashi is already well into the area of _disturbed_ by what he’s doing and what he’s been _thinking_ for—too long.

Without a word from Kakashi, the clone swiftly creates a perfect henge of Gai.

—

Sakumo looked haggard and about to tip over. He sat at the head of the table, Kakashi to his right and Gai to Kakashi’s right. It was one of his—more and more frequently occurring—days off and one of the first days in a long while he was spending with Kakashi outside of overseeing his training only because Gai, with his unique brand of Maito enthusiasm, had managed to convince Sakumo to eat lunch with them before their challenge instead of wandering off to his room to sleep.

A race around the village. Loser would do 500 push ups and buy the winner ramen. Kakashi had no plans to do even one push up.

Except their challenge, which Gai had not stopped talking about for the last three days when Kakashi had finally agreed after nearly a week of persistence—he’d given in quicker than usual—had been sidelined by Gai breaking his chopsticks in half and erupting at the table, startling even Sakumo.

“I’ve had my first kiss!” Gai punched up into the air with sparkles in his eyes. No shame or embarrassment. Just pride for having _kissed_ someone. Like it’s impressive. “You’re the first person I’ve told, Kakashi! I’ve finally blossomed just like my dad said I would.”

Both Sakumo and Kakashi stared at Gai. Sakumo was the first one to regain his composure, chuckling behind his hand then picking up his clay cup to continue sipping at his tea with a small smile.

“Aah, young love.” He said quietly to himself. Kakashi felt betrayed. Gai jumped and did a few more air punches and then a few kicks too.

“With your mouth?” Kakashi said.

“Of course, Rival! Where else would one’s first kiss be!” Gai gave him a thumbs up as though Kakashi’s response was anything close to supportive and not reeking of something far less positive.

He didn’t care about this. He didn’t. He couldn’t have cared less. It could not be emphasized enough how little he didn’t care about Gai and Gai kissing some poor sap who must have fallen face first into Gai’s lips.

Just that it made no sense. It was a riddle with no answer. Kakashi was simply trying to untangle the insanity Gai was spouting.

In the academy Gai had been the least popular kid. Too energetic for the teachers and the other students. Jumping out of his seat with his hand flailing in the air to answer every question even if he didn’t know the answer or volunteering to do techniques he had no idea how to do. Too weird. Too strange. Talked too funny. The enthusiasm for spandex caused more than a few conflicts in and out of class. His training routine was an experience he liked to aggressively share.

Gai had been too much for most, if not everyone who wasn’t a Maito or, despite many of his own attempts at being off-putting and therefore not worth the trouble of befriending, Kakashi.

Gai was growing up and Kakashi was being left behind.

Since when did kids who weren’t Kakashi even _like_ Gai?

Gai couldn’t keep still. He got up and down from his seat, fidgeted from excitement while his cheeks were that annoying rosy red Kakashi had seen on a few girls back at the academy. Gai had erupted, blurted it out unable to contain himself which meant it happened recently, right before Gai had come over, right before their challenge.

Kakashi had run through the list of kids he knew Gai interacted with regularly and came up with no girls other than Kurenai. Maybe a boy, but that list was nearly just as short: Ebisu and Genma didn’t seem the type and Asuma was too old and Kakashi—

Gai was suddenly in his face and Kakashi nearly spilled his own tea all over the table and his empty plate. For some horrible reason well outside his own comprehension his eyes were glued to Gai’s lips which were right in front of him and had been kissed and Kakashi hadn’t taken his mask off in front of anyone other than his dad and that was two years ago and _how did Gai do that?_

Sakumo smiled at him knowingly and Gai was beaming at him, leaning on the table, bouncing on the balls of his feet, and Kakashi realized they were waiting for him to respond.

“Sorry, what?” Kakashi said and made sure to really sound as bored as he could.

Gai was undeterred in his literal glowing happiness. “Have you—you know—kissed anyone yet?”

Stupid Gai and his lack of any shame. Kakashi immediately flushed and refused to look anywhere near his dad who he could clearly hear laughing at him. He would glare at Gai but that would mean he cared and _he didn’t_.

“You’re just talking nonsense.”

It was the best he could do with his ears burning out in the open for everyone to see. Gai’s passion flagged only slightly before he bounced back just as upbeat as ever.

“Don’t be shy! Sharing our experiences is how men create lasting bonds.” Gai had his hand over his heart, overflowing in earnestness.

Kakashi tried to regain his cool. He’d had it a second ago and it couldn’t have gone far.

“I have better things to do than kiss some stupid girl. You probably didn’t kiss anyone anyways.” Never mind that Gai was the most honest person in all of Konoha.

Gai was affronted. “I did so!”

“Don’t you have to do 1000 kicks if you lie to a friend? You should probably get started on that.”

—

Gai insisted on helping with the clean up. He wheedled Sakumo into talking about some of his more memorable missions, the glory days when the White Fang was someone to take pride in knowing.

Kakashi slowly scrubbed one pan, leaving Gai to do most of the work, which he did with as much enthusiasm as he did anything else.

When Gai ran to use the bathroom, Sakumo paused and put a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder.

“Don’t fret. You’re both still so young. You’ll have plenty of time to figure these things out.” Sakumo said. He ruffled Kakashi’s hair, his hand still wet with suds.

—

Gai wears green pajamas with a turtle pattern in the cold months and his hair is a mess when he wakes up. Kakashi is a prodigy and his henge is exact. A perfect copy of Gai from the perfect thickness of his eyebrows and nose to his turtle patterned clothes and his mussed bedhead to the smell of sweat and soap to the cheery, Passionate glint in his eye.

It is Gai and it isn’t.

It moves slow, as hesitant as Kakashi is embarrassed by what he’s doing. Its fingers reach up and press against his cheek to pull down Kakashi’s mask. Its warm. Like a person. _Like Gai._

Kakashi grabs the kunai out from under his pillow, spins it, and stabs it into the side of the clone, dispelling it in a puff of smoke.

Stiffly, Kakashi lies back down in his bed and pulls the blanket over his head, hoping to somehow block out the searing, fiery mortification that’s making him have to actually force himself to breathe.

 _Young love_. That’s what Sakumo had said as though some measly kiss meant _Gai_ is _in love_.

Kakashi wonders if he should suffocate himself. It’s going to be difficult looking Gai in the eye tomorrow for their rematch and honestly, right now, death doesn’t seem all that bad an option.

 

 

2

Being able to collapse on Gai’s comfy big green couch is what pushes Kakashi over the walls of Konoha undetected, as expected of an ANBU captain who has successfully completed his mission 12 days early with only a slight cut to his side.

The wound isn’t serious. It’s hardly even a _wound_. A clean cut made by the blade of a now dead shinobi from Amegakure. Shallow as it is, stitches won’t be necessary. All that _is_ necessary is Kakashi not slipping on any roof tiles in the middle of the night and getting himself to Gai’s comfortable tension-melting magical couch where he will sleep and his cut will heal and Gai will hopefully make him breakfast without lecturing him if Kakashi looks tired enough.

Gai lives on the third floor of an apartment complex in the center of the village. It’s a nice place with three points of access besides the front door. The balcony outside the bedroom. The bathroom window—a tight fit but manageable if needed. The window above the kitchen sink—hazardous when Gai is in a cooking mood and lets his pans soak and Kakashi is low on chakra and his vision, already handicapped, is blurred from exhaustion.

Kakashi considers the time—passed midnight—and considers Gai’s usual routine when he’s not out on a mission—in bed by ten because sleep is important to maintaining one’s Virility—and, finally, sniffs the air once he’s outside Gai’s apartment—no strong scent of curry lingering hours after being cooked making his eyes water.

Kakashi decides to go for the kitchen window, the least likely option to wake Gai up and to then save Gai’s concern and worrying for the morning. Preferably the late afternoon, if Gai can restrain himself that long. A 50/50 chance, depending on Gai’s level of Enthusiasm for Kakashi’s return versus being more lenient with Kakashi right after a mission.

Already Kakashi can feel himself smiling under his ANBU mask, a bit of warmth bursting in his chest as he jimmies the window open and slips inside without a sound. It has been nearly a month since Kakashi had seen Gai, between the two of them and the missions they’d been assigned had overlapped.

He’s _missed_ Gai.

Kakashi is pulling his mask off when he catches an odd scent—Gai, but not Gai—and hears a groan from a voice that _does not_ belong to Gai and immediately all of his defenses rise back up. Stepping into Gai’s home, being surrounded by his scent and possessions had the effect of not only lowering his guard, but throwing them all right out the window. He hadn’t even realized how vulnerable he’d left himself.

Kakashi puts his mask back on, his mindset quickly returning to that of an ANBU captain. He creeps through the kitchen, following the grunts, the laughter down the dark hallway. He counts two distinct laughs and Gai’s.

Gai’s bedroom door is open, a dim light from a single lamp illuminating a slice of the hallway. Kakashi makes sure to keep out of it as he peers inside.

Gai is having sex with two men. Not Genma or Ebisu. Kakashi doesn’t know _who_ they are, but they’re built like shinobi. Muscular and scarred.

His breathing quickens and his hands flex on his thighs, away from his kunai, the claws of his gloves scratching at his pants. His skin feels too tight. His clothes too confining.

 _Gai_ is having _sex_.

With _two_ men.

 _Embracing his youth_ , Kakashi supposes. His face has gone overly warm despite the cold and his masks.

Kakashi had seen the hokage have sex. He’d seen dozens of people have sex. It hadn’t effected him beyond an apathetic _oh that’s a new one_. He’s read dozens of books with men and women and sometimes sentient animals having raunchy, incredibly detailed sex. What Gai is doing isn’t anything new or all that inventive.

Except.

Gai kisses one of the men, one hand on his cheek, sliding into his brown hair. The other men have their hands all over Gai’s body, digging into his skin with slow caresses that go farther and farther down.

He’s big like this. His back is powerful with his broad shoulders as he flexes and moves in between them, golden skin and hard muscles contracting in powerful waves. All his hard work bared in confident steel musculature. A beast. No longer an acorn.

Kakashi looks away. There’s this messy _pain_ in his chest that’s new and different and it _must be_ from the cut—poisoned, he must have been _poisoned_ —and it grabs at all his focus.

He closes his eyes, but he can’t not hear what’s happening _right there_. The slick sounds of skin—cocks rubbing against each other, mouths on cocks, cocks in asses, _Gai’s cock inside some stranger_.

This is so much _more_ than any of the books Kakashi has read. The ANBU mask and the one underneath it do nothing to stave off the smell of lube and sweat and—

He forces himself to open his eyes and watch. Thinks whatever this pain is will go away the more he exposes it.

With the mask on he isn’t a person, he’s not Kakashi, he’s no one. He has no wants or desires or disgusts or hatreds, he’s a means to an end meant only to carry out his assigned mission. _Nothing else_.

He’s an ANBU captain and he’s hard. Gai is having sex with two men he doesn’t know the names of, who are kissing and touching every part of him while he thinks Kakashi is out on a mission. _Gai is having sex_. Kakashi’s chest is being stomped on. His ribs are broken and puncturing his lungs, his heart.

It _hurts_.

—

He’s certain this isn’t what Obito had in mind when he’d given him his eye and it makes the guilt twist in Kakashi’s belly uncomfortably with the heat that’s growing inside him.

Kakashi opens his sharingan and keeps it trained on Gai.

—

Kakashi had not planned on debriefing the hokage on the results of his mission until the next day. He’d sent an encoded message ahead of him and his team, informing of their success and that they were returning earlier than planned.

Kakashi reports to his superior—a man in a bear mask—and heads towards the ANBU barracks, not wanting to go to his empty apartment.

The locker room is empty. He skips showering. He does a quick and far from thorough job of cleaning his wound with a swipe of antiseptic and slaps a bandage on top that covers the worst of the cut.

Sleep is far from his mind despite his exhaustion. He lies down on one of the empty beds, full armor and ANBU mask still on, and thinks about the mission, the shinobi that had nicked him, replays their fight to see how he could have avoided the attack for the next time and he doesn’t think about Gai just like he doesn’t think about Rin and Obito and—

—

The morning is bright and hot and Kakashi, who has spent the last few weeks existing in the shadows and moving only at night, finds it is all a little Much.

Kakashi heads to the memorial. He talks to Obito and Rin. Apologizes to Minato. Says a simple prayer for Sakumo.

—

Despite being a top secret organization where knowing anything about ANBU is illegal, word gets out quick enough—there’s no defending against the unstoppable force of Konoha gossip—and when Kakashi eventually drags himself to his apartment he sniffs out the lingering scent of a Gai who has just finished his morning workout—sweat, dirt, oil—Kakashi pinches his nose.

There’s a bag of fresh vegetables on his small table and new meat in the fridge, along with a note from Gai: 

> _WELCOME HOME RIVAL! I watered poor Mr. Ukki and brought you some food, you need to eat REAL FOOD regularly Rival! You’re becoming a stick-man! How can I win fairly against a stick-man?! I’ll be back at five to greet you properly and cook!_

Always with the exclamation marks. Kakashi feels himself make an odd face under his mask. Smiling, almost. Pained, mostly.

The days where he would avoid Gai and his little notes were over.

He showers. Scrubs at his skin until it’s bright pink. He thinks about napping. Maybe eating a little something. He’s only had food pills for such a long time. He doesn’t think when he makes the familiar hand signs and a shadow clone pops up in front of him in the small shower stall opening. Refuses to think when the clone makes it’s own hand signs and changes into Gai, naked and golden.

It’s a million times more embarrassing, more shameful than when he’d done this as a child. He’s seventeen now. He’s never kissed anyone. He’s never _wanted_ to kiss anyone. He’s read countless stories about debauchery and love and what they make people do and he’s never felt _this_.

Kakashi pulls off his shower mask. He nods. The shadow clone comes closer and puts its big hand on Kakashi’s cheek and kisses him exactly like Gai had kissed that man, opening his mouth with sweet licks and gentle pressure, body pressing all along Kakashi’s own. Its skin is overly warm just like Gai’s and pliable in some spots and hard in others and its cock is thick and big and feels _real_ , Kakashi thinks.

The shadow clone is perfect. The self-assured way it stands. The spandex and sweat smell. How it _looks_ at Kakashi with too much admiration and affection like it loves him.

It’s perfect. It should be perfect.

Kakashi’s hands shake when he touches its—Gai’s—shoulders, a light touch that shows just how new to this he really is. This isn’t a story. There’s no pages to flip through to get to the next scene or written words to follow. After years of being passive, here Kakashi is face to face with the reality of active participation.

Gai fucks him in the shower stall like he fucked those other men. First with his fingers. Then with his mouth. His dick is _huge_ and splits Kakashi into pieces that wash down with the water. Pounding into him with hard deep thrusts that drain Kakashi’s chakra and push out sounds from his body and mouth that have him quaking. He’ll be mortified later. Right now he doesn’t care.

He braces himself on the tiled wall, pillows his forehead with the back of his hands to keep himself from getting a concussion and takes every pain and pleasure Gai had given to those strangers and keeps them for himself.

—

There’s no avoiding the hug when Gai arrives, there’s only enduring it and trying not to stiffen up so Gai doesn’t suspect something is wrong. The door has hardly been opened when Gai pounces on Kakashi and wraps his arms around Kakashi’s shoulders, putting nearly all of his weight on him. Heavy and _hot_ —Kakashi nearly hugs him back, but stops himself, his hands hanging awkwardly in the air.

Gai makes oyakodon and gives Kakashi a much bigger serving than himself. He’s talkative as always. Talks about his latest mission, asks about Kakashi’s, even though he knows Kakashi can’t tell him, and Kakashi gives him the usual reply— _I’m alive so. It went well, I guess_.

Kakashi forces himself to make eye contact. To talk as he usually does. To bury the new shame with the old. To pretend he doesn’t know what the acorn has grown up to be. To sit with his usual slouch, but there’s a stiffness to how he moves he can’t quite hide.

There are no words to explain what it means to dispel a shadow clone and know exactly how it feels to fuck yourself.

He sacrifices the cut on his side to distract Gai and avoid the bigger issue. He reacts like Kakashi expected him to. Gasps dramatically. Races to get the first aid kit out of Kakashi’s bathroom. Scrubs at the cut with a gentle ferocity. Bandages him. Takes care of him.

But Kakashi doesn’t react how he’s supposed to. He’s meant to be apathetic. To have his book open through the entire manhandling and ignore Gai and his misplaced kindness.

Gai’s hands are rough with callouses built off of years and years of dedication and determination and he touches Kakashi so softly. He isn’t that small annoying kid anymore.

People _like_ Gai now. _Men_ like Gai. And Gai _likes_ men—other men that aren’t Kakashi. What did Kakashi expect? For him to wait by the gates for him to come home, calling out for his Eternal Rival to the forest lining the walls like some wife yearning for her husband? They weren’t dating. Gai didn’t want _him_.

“Are you. . .” Gai starts, but trails off. Uncertainty causing his eyebrows to crinkle.

Kakashi can’t think of another time Gai has ever hesitated. “What?”

“Are you all ri—no, that’s not. Um.” Gai says. He squares his shoulders, his usual look of determination returning and aims it right at him. “Are you happy, Kakashi?”

“Of course I’m happy, see.” Kakashi smiles, dimples and all. Without his mask it’s a lot more awkward to express himself so openly, even when it’s a lie and a little more vindictive than he’d planned for.

“Kakashi,” Gays smiles back at him, sad and with so much tenderness and well meaning Kakashi feels the need to run away, “no one in all of history has ever said they were happy and looked as sad as you do right now”

Something breaks apart in his chest. It’s that pain again. He’s being cracked open.

Kakashi puts on a _Kakashi_ guise and ignores the few odd looks Gai sends him throughout the rest of the meal, probably thinking it has something to do with his mission and Gai _can’t_ ask about that. It’s the first time Kakashi is grateful for the rule.

Gai is trying to sneak what little chicken he’s taken for himself into Kakashi’s bowl and the pain in his chest finally morphs into words he understands, but wishes he didn’t because he already knows the answer.

It’s too easy to imagine the _what if_ ’s. What if Kakashi had unmasked his chakra? What if he’d made just a small noise to make himself known? Would Gai have shooed those men away? Would Kakashi be invited to join?

 _Whatever_.

Kakashi pushes his bowl away and pulls out his newest _Icha Icha_ book, pretends to read it until Gai gets frustrated enough with him to go do the dishes.

 

 

3

Kakashi is late to the party. Not surprising, as he _is_ hokage and he _does_ actually have to do _some_ work and put in _some_ effort and he can’t just leave in a puff of smoke or a whirlwind of leaves in the middle of the day for a nap or some light, very much needed reading, even if he would really, _really_ like to. There’s paperwork to be done and as the hokage, paperwork is his new and only god.

He makes a quick stop at the Yamanaka’s for a bouquet he’d reserved a week ago. It had taken him nearly a month to decide _which_ flowers to get. There are so many. Too many. Gai knows the ins and outs of flowers and their meanings and Kakashi needed to make sure he’d get the right ones for Gai’s homecoming.

The sun has already set. The weather is hot and humid for this time of year and he’s been sweating since this morning. People he doesn’t know wave to him as he walks by and he waves back, feeling a little odd, but not entirely as uncomfortable as he’d been when he’d first received the title.

It’s peaceful. It’s a happy day, a good one for celebrating.

—

Kakashi had rejected the hokage estate outright. His apartment may be rubble and the jounin barracks may be a slightly bigger pile of rubble now, but Kakashi cannot contemplate or consider for a moment living where Minato or any of the faces on the hokage monument once lived.

He doesn’t have many material things anymore anyways. The chair by Gai’s hospital bed had been a fine place to call home before becoming hokage and a title wouldn’t suddenly change that.

The head of ANBU hadn’t been pleased with his decision. Had been very pointed in listing the many ways staying long-term at the hospital failed to meet his standards. Too many windows. Too many doors. Too many people going in and out.

Kakashi had nodded along and agreed and at the end of the day he’d gone right back to the hospital, pulled his chair as close to Gai’s bed as he could and told a still medically induced comatose Gai how he definitely pissed off the ANBU captain and asked him if alcohol would be the best way to rectify the situation.

—

There was a plan.

Gai was discharged from the hospital late in the morning. The date had been a big red circle on the little calendar he kept by his hospital bed for months with red x’s chasing after it.

Wrangling an exact date from Tsunade had been a group effort between Gai, Kakashi, and Gai’s entire team until Tsunade had eventually folded and given in—it took an entire two weeks to fix the east wing of the hospital, but they had a concrete day to work with and Kakashi’s bruises would heal eventually.

Lee was in charge of keeping Gai busy. Kakashi spent the early morning imagining the new work out routine they must be creating, adapting to Gai’s new circumstances. There would be a lot of hand racing in Kakashi’s future.

Neji and Tenten were left to move all of Gai’s things—whatever had been salvaged from the debris, which wasn’t much except for a miraculous amount of spandex—as well as Kakashi’s minimal possessions from the hospital to their house.

Leaving the details of the _Welcome Home!_ party up to his own ragtag team and a very unprepared Yamato.

—

The plan was shot fairly early after Kakashi spends a good half hour looking at the clock, counting down the minutes to when he knew Gai would be discharged.

There’s a mix of excitement for Gai to finally be out of the hospital and guilt that Kakashi was not going to be there to welcome him back. The two feelings became too overwhelming for Kakashi to ignore, especially when all he was doing was sitting and reading dull paperwork. A building permit was nothing compared to Gai finally— _finally_ —being released.

So Kakashi waited for when he had a moment alone in his office and created a shadow clone to sit and play hokage for him while he snuck out the window. Just for a few minutes. Just long enough for Kakashi to check in on him and make sure he was all right.

It didn’t matter than Kakashi had seen Gai only four hours ago, this was a Big Day and Kakashi wanted to be there, even if Gai wouldn’t see him.

Kakashi hid on the rooftop of the hospital, overlooking the entrance. There down below were Lee and Gai making a loud, happy scene together. There was hugging. There was crying. There were speeches Kakashi could hear clearly from where he was crouching, making him smile.

For the better part of Gai’s hospitalization, Gai had been adamant at being optimistic and aggressively happy to be alive, even when he was clearly hurting, he fought to keep a smile on his face.

It was nice to see him being genuinely ridiculous again. And wearing his spandex too. _Oh, how it clung_.

“You’re hopeless.” Tsunade said from behind him. He kept his surprise to himself, though he couldn’t help the sweat appearing on his forehead.

She jabbed his shoulder, nearly sending him flying off the roof. She gave him the same unimpressed and maybe a little bit fond look she’d been giving him for months now.

“Go back to work you lazy hokage before I tell Shizune you’re playing hooky to ogle your boyfriend.”

—

The plan was again derailed when Gai came rolling into the office mid afternoon while Kakashi listened with an arguing Sakura and Naruto shadow clones about his choices in party food.

Even Kakashi, who has never had much of a social life and the rare times he had ever been dragged to a party he’d always ended up reading in a corner, waiting for the best moment to slip away unnoticed so he could go home and sleep, knew there was more to party food than individual cups of ramen.

Kakashi was swift to grab the pen from his desk and stab it into both shadow clones.

Gai knows him too well. As good a liar as Kakashi is and as thought out and air tight a plan this _could have been_ , there’s no comparing to Gai’s innate ability to understand what Kakashi was thinking—and vice versa. Kakashi knows Gai knows and Gai knows he knows and on and on and on.

No matter what, they’re on the same page even when that particular page was torn out of the book, hidden, and a surprise.

Gai had his finger in the air, pointed directly between Kakashi’s eyes making them cross and before Gai could admit to knowing anything or declare _anything_ , Kakashi was swift to cut him off.

“I have a challenge for you.” Kakashi said. “And it’s _not_ rock-paper-scissors.”

Gai’s eyes widened, his index finger faltered.

“A hand walking race to Ichiraku. Winner buys.”

Gai’s arm had lost some of its tension and slumped slightly, not exactly the reaction Kakashi had hoped for, but it wasn’t entirely surprising. Gai was torn between being excited at his first challenge and Kakashi’s new title, so he cut off that line of thinking too.

“I promised a challenge. Do you not _want_ to challenge me anymore?”

“Of course I do! But you’re the hokage, you can’t just drop everything to eat lunch with me!”

“As hokage, I say I can and I think—well. This could be,” Kakashi had to look out the window when he said this, unable to make eye contact or else he might explode from embarrassment— _how did Naruto get so good at proclaiming his feelings near constantly?_ “This could be a good chance to go on our first date.”

Gai’s made a very _odd_ noise and it took Kakashi a moment of looking at pillowy white clouds to turn his head and see Gai’s scrunched up, crying face.

“ _Kakashi!_ ”

—

The house is not a crater in the ground and is still very much standing when Kakashi arrives nearly two hours after the party has technically started.

It’s a pleasant surprise.

—

Being in a medically induced coma meant conversation was fairly one-sided. The first month Kakashi didn’t say much, not for lack of things to say but because he couldn’t seem to open his mouth, not sure what would come out.

So he sat by Gai’s bed, eyed the thick and jagged scars burnt into his skin, only going so far as to hold his hand when Sakura, unprompted, told Kakashi _Gai is on enough painkillers for a man ten times his size and it won’t hurt him if you touch him and it might actually help him—talking to him wouldn’t hurt either, sensei_.

She called him _sensei_. It made Kakashi feel unimaginably old and tired, like he’d been running for years and only just now realized he could sit and take in the skyline without worry and finally catch his breath.

Kakashi held Gai’s hand until morning and welcomed the crick in his back from sleeping slumped over.

The words came eventually.

—

The archives housed in the hokage monument had survived without any damage to the vault of documents. The line was long, but eventually Kakashi managed to replace his cherished photographs of Team 7 and Team Minato. He picked up a copy of Team Gai as well.

He’d gotten the photographs framed. Between him and Team Gai, they began to change Gai’s hospital room into something less depressingly-white-wall-sterile to a little like a home—temporary—but still home-like. It’s this shift that pushes Kakashi to buy flowers from the Yamanakas.

There wasn’t much of a selection right after the war, but he picked the brightest ones, oblivious to their meaning, put them in a canister he’d spotted in a pile of debris and dusted off, and had set them beside Gai on the small table next to the photograph of his team.

With effort, he made sure to replace the flowers at the first sign they were beginning to lose their Youth.

—

The entire house full of grown adult shinobi, one overactive Mirai, all of his ninken, and one giant Ningame who only has his head inside he’s grown so big, yell _YOU’RE LATE_ at him when he walks in.

Gai manages to roll over both of his feet in his hurry to greet Kakashi, moving so fast Kakashi doesn’t actually see him approaching. Wheels have only made Gai faster.

“I can’t stand it any longer!” Gai throws his arms open. “Come here, Kakashi, I need to kiss you or else I might die.”

“You can’t just say things like that, Gai. Think of the children.”

Gai pouted. “If I can’t express my feelings for you, I really will die.”

“I’ll just get Naruto to bring you back to life.”

Gai laughs, tugs him down and kisses him over his mask. A big hands-on-both-cheeks-lips-puckered-up kiss that’s as loud as it is wet.

His students are watching them—looking at him—Sasuke is studying him closely and Kakashi has never been a good role model. Not really. He’s failed so many times when it comes to his team. Affection is hard to take, even from Gai who is nothing but good intentions and a golden heart—in public or a quiet hospital room at midnight, Kakashi wasn’t made for love to be easy—but he’s died and come back to life and his kids are watching him and he can’t fail them again.

He hands Gai the bouquet—ivy and hydrangea flowers. Gai lights up and Kakashi _knows_ Gai gets what he’s trying to tell him. He clutches the flowers to his chest with silvery scarred hands and it’s his happiness and the happiness inside Kakashi that finally pushes him to pull down his mask to kiss Gai’s trembling, happy crying lips. He wants to share this. To show it’s okay. To make up for all the let downs.

There’s a split in reactions, a chorus of cheers and awe and then loud gasps over finding out just what he looks like under his mask.

His kids are blushing, absolutely scandalized. Naruto shouts in starts about his teeth. _They’re too cute. Honestly_.

Kakashi can’t stop smiling. It’s weird.

—

The Hatake land is _tiny_ compared to the other clans’. A few acres of open land bleeding into the thicket of the forest, enough to train unbothered and to let the dogs roam freely, without hearing a thing from the neighboring Inuzuka clan. A distant cousin to his mother, at least that’s what Sakumo had told him once when he’d been very young and asked about his teeth and why no one else could smell out the scent of a person like he could.

To learn he’d inherited this from her, he’d been so _happy_.

Since he’d moved into his own apartment and had, essentially, abandoned the place, the land and the small house built on it had gone into disrepair. The roof had folded in years ago under the weight of a long dead tree. The pipes had rusted and there was rot and fungus in every room, nature had overtaken a good portion of the house, swallowing nearly all of it up in leafy green.

It was pretty, in a morbid kind of way. It was no longer the home he and his dad had shared. Or the home his dad had shared with his mom. The house had faded just like everything else when it came to the Hatakes.

And it wasn’t practical for a man with one working leg who used a wheelchair.

But being so far away from the center of the village it had gone undamaged by Pein’s attack. Gai would call it _destiny_. A part of Kakashi, despite himself and his many convoluted feelings towards the Hatake clan, was beginning to think the same.

—

They don’t get much time together after that. Kakashi sticks to the walls, to the corners of the party where he can watch without having to interact. There are drinks and more drinks, food that thankfully isn’t _just_ ramen that Kakashi makes a game of eating without being seen to his team’s growing annoyance.

Apparently seeing his face once wasn’t enough. Naruto and Sakura huddle together, glaring at him as they discuss the many facets of his face they weren’t expecting. The pointed canines seem to have thrown them.

Sasuke sticks close to Naruto, not all that interested in the conversation or the party, more preoccupied with glaring at Sai and nursing a long line of beers. Their arms press together. A hand clutching at the hem of the other’s shirt. Kakashi walks passed them once just to get a quick sniff and it tells him exactly what he suspected.

Tenten is the first to spring on Gai, to show him blueprint after blueprint of ideas to turn his wheelchair into the Ultimate Weapon. The conversation takes a turn and soon Gai is being hugged by Lee, Tenten, and Neji. There are more tears. Kakashi wishes he’d thought to bring a camera.

Gai cajoles Ebisu and Genma into singing karaoke with him. Ebisu is tipsy and a surprisingly good singer. Genma is red-faced-and-falling-over-his-own-existence drunk after one beer and isn’t really singing so much as he is sitting on Gai’s lap and swaying with him to the beat.

Over the music Yamato swings his arm over Kakashi’s shoulders. His breath has that strong smell of alcohol. He’s grinning and pulling Kakashi into a hug that’s also a little bit of a drunken, stumbling dance that sober-Yamato would be horrified to see. Picturing Yamato’s oncoming hangover tomorrow has Kakashi laughing.

—

To have everyone in his home, on the old Hatake land when it used to be so quiet and still and _lonely_ —Kakashi can’t really put it into words.

—

Ningame is outside. Like Kakashi, crowds are tiring and parties are exhausting no matter the occasion. Unlike Kakashi he has a handy shell to hide away in. Kakashi’s flimsy face mask really can’t compare. He’s a little envious.

It’s quiet outside, the sounds of the party muted by the night. Kakashi takes a deep breath of that quiet air.

He’s brought out a few heads of lettuce and lays them down for Ningame, a small offering. Ningame stares at them and then him, blinking slowly.

“He wasn’t at all surprised.” Ningame says ever so gravely. “He’s an awful actor.”

“I wish I’d seen it.” He could easily imagine Gai playing it up for the crowd, embracing his dramatic side with a flourish. With Lee there too, it would have been a show stopper.

Ningame bites into one of the heads of lettuce, chews it slowly. Half of it falls out of his mouth onto the ground.

“Best not to be late so often, Kakashi. Fate will not always wait as kindly as you might hope it would.” Ningame says then pauses as only he can—long, drawn out, and very serious. Kakashi is uncertain if he’s going to continue when there’s a loud swallow and he says, “do you have any cabbage? I want a good chew and I hate lettuce. Too leafy for my tastes.”

—

It had been three days since Gai had woken up. He’d been nothing but smiles, a little loopy from the drugs and surprisingly more outgoing in showing his affection as he came down from the medical high he’d been on since he’d been brought to Tsunade.

It was nearly midnight and Kakashi wasn’t asleep because Gai wasn’t asleep, talking about Lee and Neji and Tenten, their futures, what their children would look like, if Gai would be able to ever earn the name _grandpa_.

Kakashi listened as Gai’s words began to tangle and went off in confusing directions that were, at best, directionless. Worry started to set in. He’d seen shinobi go manic from the stress of a mission, but he’d never seen Gai fall into this state.

He’d taken the news about his leg well. Optimistic he could improve if he trained hard enough. That bones and tendons and muscle would adapt to make up for what he lost. Kakashi hadn’t expected anything less from Gai. He was the type who would see the sun through the rainclouds.

Kakashi put his hand on the sheet covering Gai’s legs. It stopped Gai’s rambling and he looked at Kakashi’s hand.

He hadn’t looked. Not once. When Gai had been unconscious it felt like too much an invasion of Gai’s privacy. Now that he was awake, Kakashi, well, he didn’t quite know what he wanted. He just knew he should look.

He pulled back the sheet, just enough to see Gai’s bare thigh—the scars really did run all the way from his head to his toes then—but Gai grabbed his wrist and stopped him from revealing any more.

“Don’t.” Gai said. He hung his head, turned away from him, avoiding Kakashi’s gaze. “I don’t want you to see what I—what I am now.”

This was wrong. _This_ was Gai feeling ashamed and _that_ was simply not allowed.

“You’re still you.” Kakashi said. Insisted. There were new scars and his skin had a pink tinge from healing the burns and his eyebrows and hair were singed, but he was _still_ his Gai.

Gai’s hands turned to fists on his lap. “Don’t lie to me, Kakashi.”

“I never lie to you.” He did, though, _often_. “I wouldn’t, not about something like this.” Kakashi stood up from the chair, determined to show Gai he meant it. “You once called me your man of destiny, so you’re mine too. With one leg or two.”

Gai laughs, it’s a strangled noise, but he’s looking at Kakashi at least. “You remembered?”

“How could I forget? No kid would think to ever say something so—“ _insane_ , “ —Gai-like except you.”

There were fat tears welling up in Gai’s eyes and the urge to wipe them away, to reach over and touch him, to tug him into an embrace was immense.

Kakashi pulled his mask down. He took his gloves off and unclipped his vest. Tugged his hitai-ate off. He took his time to fold and set his clothes in a neat pile on the chair to calm his nerves. This wasn’t some bandaid to be ripped off and gotten over with.

He hesitated, only for s second. Blood rushed in his ears and he never truly noticed just how quiet the hospital was when Gai wasn’t talking. What he was doing—giving himself away like this, showing the soft spots and corners of himself, it made his hands tremble.

Finally he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off, clutching it in his fist. The ‘X’ Obito had given him on full display. Gai hadn’t seen it yet. It wasn’t a lost leg, but it was all he could offer.

The ANBU outside would lose it if they could see what he was doing. Irresponsible for a hokage to bare himself like this in such a public place, but there were bigger, more important things than following protocol. It had been a hard lesson to learn. He knew what was important now. What really mattered.

Gai places his hand on Kakashi’s chest, fingers sliding down one of the lines to his navel where the tail end was. Kakashi’s stomach jumped at the light touch and he knew there was no denying how red his face was becoming.

“You—“

“—It’s nothing. It doesn’t hurt.”

“You should’ve told me.”

Kakashi shrugs. “Bigger things to deal with. It didn’t seem as important.”

“To me it is.” Gai said quietly, tracing up and down Kakashi’s front causing him to shiver. _God._

“I showed you mine.” Kakashi said, a little breathless and wishing for both Gai to stop and to keep touching him all at once. “Let me see, Gai. Please?”

Gai withdrew his hand and nodded, though he turned his head away, his lips set in a firm, stoic line.

Off kilter, Kakashi peeled back the sheet then the bandages as gently as he could.

Kakashi had seen worse injuries and had been the cause of many of them. Still, it was difficult to look at. Gai’s foot was mangled, half of it missing up to his calf. Skin half healed over bone. Tsunade had assured him so many times she’d done her best. There was only so much she could do when the body disintegrates.

“I won’t be able to—to move like I used to. I know that. I just.” Gai covered his mouth.

It was the most painful thing in the world for Gai to admit his limits and to _accept_ those limits. More painful than any injury or gate. His old life was gone. Gai was on a tightrope of devastation and shame.

Kakashi reapplied the bandages then pulled the covers back over Gai and while he was leaning over him, he gave into that insistent urge and placed a hand on Gai’s shoulder. Still sturdy despite months of bed rest. Skin softer than it’s ever been before. Gai would have to rebuild all those callouses he’d earned.

Kakashi traces one silver strand of a scar from Gai’s shoulder to his neck.

“Kakashi?” Gai said.

Kakashi smiled at him. “We’ll just have to get more creative with our challenges, right?”

“We can still be rivals?”

“I’ll think of a really, extra difficult challenge for when they release you. Loser does 500 push ups and buys the winner ramen.”

For once, it was _exactly_ what he should say from the way Gai lit up, all shame instantly gone and replaced with a hopeful, bright beam of happiness.

To be the cause of _that_ had Kakashi’s inside twisting and lighting up with hot sparks of _good feelings_.

He tugged his shirt back on, then his mask. His ears were left to burn in the open again.

—

The last to leave is Lee who idles near the front door then squares his shoulders to come up to Kakashi and stand in front of him for an uncomfortably long two and a half minutes of eye contact, bottom lip trembling in determination. When his eyes grow watery though is when Kakashi starts planning his most polite escape route—Gai would not appreciate Kakashi being rude to his Cute Lee and Kakashi has been trying to be nicer lately.

Abruptly Lee bows deeply. Kakashi tries to make him _stop_ bowing, urging him to come back up, wanting to grab him by the shoulders and just un-bend him manually.

Lee halts him though by loudly saying, “I leave Gai-sensei in your care! Please be gentle with his heart, Hokage-sama!”

“Please don’t call me _Hokage-sama_. Simple _Kakashi_ is—is fine.” Kakashi says weakly. “And I will— _please get up, Lee._ ”

Behind him, Gai makes a strangled noise which quickly turns into a sob.

—

Kakashi spends the next half hour in the kitchen cleaning by covertly gathering and then stacking all the dishes in the sink and filling it up with warm water for them to soak overnight or a few days while listening to Gai and Lee fuss over each other in the other room.

This is to be expected, considering, though Kakashi still isn’t quite prepared for how much it reminds him of a father giving away his only daughter to some brute of a husband who will have his wicked, yet very pleasurable, way with her.

Cheeks warming at the idea, Kakashi spends a moment to balance a knife vertically on the rim of a cup and wonders if he could convince Gai to wear a kakeshita as part of a challenge and that it really has been too long since he last read _Icha-Icha Nuptials_.

—

He has no idea he’s making noises— _giggling_ —out loud until Gai rolls over his toes.

“You’re face is all red, rival, what are you thinking about?”

“This and that.”

“Definitely something perverted then.”

“You know me well.” Kakashi smiles.

“I do!” Gai says proudly.

Gai waves at him to bend down and when Kakashi dutifully does, with both hands Gai tugs down Kakashi’s mask and pauses to cup his face in his palms—his skin is still _so warm_ , so much warmer than anyone else’s could ever be and Kakashi is thoroughly helpless.

Gai pinches his cheeks and pecks him on the lips, grinning.

“The house came out even more beautiful than I imagined.”

“It is pretty nice, right?”

“My rival is such a handyman!”

“Well, it wasn’t _just_ me.” Mainly it had been Yamato who Kakashi paid with expensive bottles of sake.

“Are you ready for bed?” Gai says with a full caterpillar like eyebrow wiggle Kakashi should not be as into as he is. “I have a plan to recapture our youthful vigor that I think you’ll be very appreciative of, Kakashi.”

“Oh?” Kakashi says, already a little lightheaded and flushing—is his nose bleeding?

Gai just grins his ever confident _Trust Me and All Will Be Marvelous Again!_ grin and then it’s Kakashi’s turn to be tugged onto Gai’s lap. He goes easily—a little eagerly, if he has to be honest and he’s trying to this time around—and Gai wheels them both to the bath, Kakashi’s arms slung around his neck.

—

Kakashi and Gai both skip soaking in the bath and simply take a shower together. Gai refuses to sit in the shower chair—something Kakashi will push for later when Gai isn’t kissing him on a wobbly foot and cast and Kakashi doesn’t have his hands everywhere. He doesn’t linger long on Gai’s cock, he caresses him gently and works him into a lather with soap. Even soft he’s big in his hand and through the steam Kakashi wonders how it could be possible to breathe in this sort of heat.

They nearly fall walking from the shower to the bed. Kakashi catches Gai before they hit the ground and swings him into his arms and carries him the rest of the way.

Tsunade has never been one for being anything other than brutally honest and she didn't sugar coat anything when she told Gai—and Kakashi who had stubbornly remained by Gai’s side even after Tsunade’s very unimpressed look—that with the amount of medication he was on he would be, possibly temporarily, impotent. Though with where the chakra gates were located and the nerve damage— _who knows, being a medical marvel and all_. 

She delivered this blandly and only sent a pointed look at Kakashi which he interpreted to mean she clearly knew what they got up to together when visiting hours were over and wheelchair races would have to wait until the next day and when Kakashi should be in his own bed on the other side of the village, not bothering her patients.

Gai had still blushed and fidgeted though. Having _it_ confirmed with _actual words_ was different from the silent, mutual assumption that _maybe it’ll happen tomorrow_ and _maybe it’s just the drugs_. That Kakashi was in the room right next to him and with the slightly mortified glances he kept shooting Kakashi, it was clear how embarrassed he was.

As the most overly confident shinobi of Konoha, it was odd to see him wither and draw inward like this—it was just _wrong_. Kakashi put his hand over Gai’s and made sure to be as stoic as ever while Tsunade went over the _do’_ s and _don’t_ ’s.

Using chakra is one of the bigger _don’t_ ’s Tsunade had emphasized multiple times, so forcefully she had snapped her clipboard in two.

Gai tugs Kakashi over him, his lips don’t leave Kakashi’s body and Kakashi is melting, there’s a heat inside of him that’s followed them from the bath to the bed and he goes easily with it, doesn’t ignore it this time or try to tamp it down, repress it inside of himself by flat out ignoring it.

He follows Gai’s movements with his own, let’s Gai push him up until he’s sitting on Gai’s chest and pushing his dick into Gai’s mouth with a steady roll of his hips, in and out of Gai's tight lips, pushing deeper inside only when Gai urges him on. Gai’s fingers are inside of him, wet with oil and pushing at him more and more, opening him up and skirting the edge of his prostate again and again.

Kakashi braces himself on the headboard, he can’t stop looking at Gai’s mouth wrapped around him. He’s going to come so he pulls out with a groan that actually _hurts_. Moves back down the bed so they’re chest to chest, face to face.

Gai pulls his fingers out of him, squeezes his ass with a big hand—Kakashi makes an embarrassing noise, he’s been making them all night, he doesn’t get how people can do this so often and still have any dignity left afterwards. But Gai is looking at him so tenderly. He pulls Kakashi down just that much more to kiss him.

It’s too much to hope for and Kakashi doesn’t really expect anything, but he reaches down and cups Gai anyways.

Still soft.

“I’m sorry, Kakashi.” Gai says. His smile is bitter and apologetic. Kakashi can’t accept that expression so he kisses him again, slides his tongue to meet Gai’s and does his best to drive that disappointment out of Gai's mind.

The air shifts behind Kakashi and then there is the heavy warm weight of another person settling behind him, on top of him. Gai seldom uses ninjutsu, but when he does he’s _good_ at it. As good as Kakashi. There’s no doubt the clone embracing him, running its hands up Kakashi’s back and back down to his ass is an exact copy.

Except when it presses its hips against Kakashi, it’s hard.

It’s hands move to hold Kakashi by his hips. It doesn’t push in. It rubs itself against Kakashi’s hole, slicking itself in the oil that’s dripped out of him, _almost, almost_ —

Gai’s hair is soft in his hands. It’s longer now, almost back to its old bowl-cut length. Kakashi kisses his nose then his lips, lingers there, doesn’t pull away when he nods.

Gai holds him through it, kissing him the entire time as the clone pushes more and more of itself inside of Kakashi. They’ve never gone this far. To finally feel him like this.

He wants to tell Gai it’s nothing like he expected. He’s bigger. Longer. Hotter. Stretching him wide, filling every bit of Kakashi more than he thought it possible until the clone’s hips are pressed flat against Kakashi’s backside, fingers digging into his bones as it pulls out and pushes back into him, gentle and soft and this—this is how Gai would have done it were he able to. Slow with sweet kisses to his neck. Deep and long, pulling the breath out of him. A constant rub against his prostate that sets off these bright, colorful sparks behind his eyelids. To have both Gai and the clone touching him at once—he can barely form a single thought.

He doesn’t realize he’s shaking until the clone has paused and Gai is brushing his hair out of his eyes, looking concerned and ready to have the clone pull out of him. Kakashi reaches for both of them—clamps a hand on both Gai and the clone. He hides his face in the crook of Gai’s neck. Surrounds himself with the distinct scent of sweat and sex and Gai.

“Kakashi,” Gai croons. He pets at the back of Kakashi’s head, massages the nape of his neck. Kisses at the shell of his ear, making Kakashi squirm and _oh_. He grits his teeth. He hasn’t felt _that_ in years.

“I’m fine.” Kakashi says and means it.

“Do you want to put your mask back on?”

Kakashi shakes his head and tries to think of how to explain it.

Sasuke is _back_. He and Naruto had held hands when they’d left. Sakura had hugged him goodnight. Lee had given him his blessing. Tenten has so many plans for Gai’s chair. Neji isn’t that stoic hollow boy who reminded him _too much_ of himself. Gai is alive. Gai is out of the hospital. Gai’s right here. Gai wants him too.

Kakashi wraps his arms tight around Gai and Gai hugs him back.

“I’m happy,” he says.

And he is.

—

When Gai had been woken up, Kakashi managed to be neither the _aloof_ or _cool_ or _hip_ rival Gai had always gone on and on about him being.

Watching Gai regain consciousness and seeing those familiar brown eyes flutter open, all glassy and unfocused, but bright and alive and _looking right at him_ , groggily saying Kakashi’s name with a scratchy, crackly voice that was hardly more than a whisper—

Kakashi won’t ever live it down.

But that was okay. Being a blubbering mess and having to be comforted by his _fresh out of the coma and still connected to seven different monitors_ best friend and students and even the former hokage wasn’t so bad.

Sitting on the hospital chair for months, waiting and waiting for Gai to get better, to finally come back to him, had given Kakashi time to think. It had taken him a while to sort out his thoughts and untangle them from all of his insecurities and he could hardly be considered _young_ anymore, but he’d had the time to figure it out. He was sure, somewhere in the universe, Sakumo was covering his mouth with his hand as he laughed, _aah, young love_.

**Author's Note:**

> This initially was meant to be a short, less than 1k, porn ficlet about using shadow clones for sex--specifically Gai being unable to 'perform' due to his injuries from opening the eighth gate so he implements the ole classic 'shadow clone in the bedroom' technique. 
> 
> Then it evolved into 'Kakashi pining' and here we are nearly 10k later.
> 
> Extra Bits:
> 
> \- Neji is alive because he should be  
> \- Naruto and Sasuke are a couple because they were my original otp way back when Naruto first came out  
> \- Gai, being so fit and attune with his body, is probably VERY popular in the 'letting off some steam' shinobi community (and a star in the sheets)  
> \- Unlike Gai, Kakashi preferred his books over having to interact with other humans and is just winging it  
> \- Kakashi having big canines/dog characteristics is something I read on some tumblr posts and I love it so much I had to include it
> 
> My [tumblr](http://granpappy-winchester.tumblr.com)


End file.
